Ready To Rise Again
by isabella2004
Summary: PC Christina Hudson returns to work after her mental breakdown much to the relief of PC Des Taviner. She wants to make amends to the others for the things she said and did while not in her right mind. But it can be hard to forgive, and even harder for Christina to face her own feelings. Sequel to Falling.


**A few years ago, I wrote a story for _The Bill_ called _Falling _based on an OC member of the relief and her descent into mental illness and, in particular, her relationship with Des. I posted it and then I think I took it down and I appear to have lost it in the ether of my computer hard drive! I was watching some old episodes of The Bill the other day that I recorded from the TV about 10 years ago (yes I used to do that...) and it spurred me to write the sequel. So, I'll recap the original story below, but I hope you'll read and review this one. It's set around 2001 during my favourite time of _The Bill_ before Paul Marquess ruined the show with his petrol bombs...**

**In _Falling, _PC Christina Hudson was an invaluable member of the Sun Hill team. The station had been her third posting after Hendon and not her choice, given her history with Sgt Matt Boydon with whom she'd previously had an affair when he was a tutor there. Paired with new area car driver PC Des Taviner, the pair clashed over how to deal with calls while, slowly, other members of the relief noticed changes in Christina's behaviour. She began hearing things, became paranoid, fought with her friends and Des and started failing to show up for work. Eventually, things came to a head when she tried to throw herself off the roof of the station only to be stopped by Des who persuaded her to go into hospital.**

**If I ever find it, I'll post it again. Until then, enjoy the sequel...**

**Ready To Rise Again**

Nothing had really changed about Sun Hill. She could see that from where she sat rigidly in her car in the car park. Then she chastised herself for being so stupid as to think anything would have changed. She had only been away two months, though sometimes it felt like longer. Only two months since she had been escorted out of the station, crying, hanging on to Des's arm, telling him that she didn't want to go but that if he wanted her to, she would. She remembered being placed in the back of the car, her seatbelt fastened for her, for she had no strength of her own to do it, and being driven away to an uncertain future. Her last memory was of looking back and seeing Des and June watching her go, growing smaller and smaller in the distance.

She often wondered what their thoughts had been at that moment. Sorrow? Anger? Relief? Her own had been so jumbled, so distorted, that she could recall little else until she woke the following morning and had to be reminded that she was not in her own flat, but in St Hughes' Hospital Psychiatric Ward.

The days had passed in a blur, the first two weeks almost lost in her memory. Then, slowly, she had started to feel her thoughts returning to her. And they weren't fearful thoughts. They were normal thoughts, straightforward thoughts. She began to listen to what the doctor was telling her, began understanding about the medication she was taking and, finally, began to see a light at the end of what had seemed like a never ending dark tunnel. They told her she would always need drugs, always need to be careful...but she was just glad to be thinking clearly again.

Des had come to visit her, just the once, but it meant the world to her to see him, to know that he didn't blame her for anything. It had been a short visit, but just what she had needed and she had hoped that after her release he would come and see her at home. But work had obviously kept him busy and the occasional text had been all the contact she had had. She could hardly blame him.

Taking a deep breath, she turned off the engine and opened the car door. The air was warm, full of the promise of summer, and she had to shield her eyes against the glare of the afternoon sunshine. Slowly, she crossed the car park and made her way in the front entrance. Somehow, going in through the yard felt wrong.

Sam was on the front desk and his face lit up when he saw her. "Chris! God, it's good to see you!" He buzzed the door open to let her through and then enveloped her in a hug. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks," she replied, pulling back, searching his face for any sign of resentment and finding none. "How's things been here?"

"Same old, same old," he said. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Meeting Mr Monroe to talk about coming back."

Sam frowned, "You sure you're ready for that?"

"More than ready, I promise you." Christina checked her watch, eager to avoid prolonged conversation. "He told me three o'clock. Could you buzz him for me?"

"Course I could. Wait there."

Five minutes later, she found herself sitting across from Monroe and June, their relief at her recovery clearly tempered with concern.

"We don't want you doing anything that you don't feel ready to do," Monroe said, sitting back in his chair. "You know this job, you know what it's like and you know the challenges you'll be facing back out on the streets."

"I know, sir, and I honestly feel ready," she replied. "I've spent a month in a hospital having my every move monitored by nurses and a month at home suffering the same from my mother. I _need_ to get back to work."

"Well I'm not sure we should start you back full time..."

"I'll do part time for a few weeks if you'd prefer," she said hurriedly. "I've still got some outpatient appointments to attend with my psychiatrist anyway and it'll give me a chance to get used to it all again."

"What about your medication? You know that you can't take it out with you in case it falls into the wrong hands."

"I take it in the morning and at night. I can bring some in and leave it in my locker in case anything happens." Monroe looked at June. "Please sir. The only thing making me crazy is sitting at home staring at four walls."

June leaned forward, "What about working with the relief?"

"What about it?"

"Well, before you were admitted to hospital, there had been some incidents..."

Christina looked at the floor, "I wasn't well then, Sarge. I wasn't on any medication. Now I am and, looking back, I can see how ill I was. I know that I probably said some things that offended people and did some things that...well...but if Sam's greeting when I came in is any indication of how the others will be, it should be fine."

"We'll have to consider who we partner you with."

"I've been thinking about that and...I'd like to be in the area car."

Monroe sat forward, his expression one of surprise. "With PC Taviner?" Christina nodded. "I'm not sure that's..."

"Sir, Des was really there for me when I was ill, more so than I deserved him to be. He was the one who persuaded me I needed to go to hospital and he came to visit me when I was there. I know he might not be the obvious choice but...I think I'd feel comfortable with him. At least in the beginning."

Monroe looked at his Sergeant, "June?"

"Well I'll speak to Des and see what he thinks but, I think Christina has a good point, Sir. And Des _was _very supportive of her."

"Well, whatever you think would be best," Monroe said. "But I'll want to speak to your consultant first and we _will_ keep it part time for a few weeks. I _must_ stress Christina, that if at any time you feel unwell or have any problems, you _must _speak to someone sooner rather than later. I doubt any of us want a repeat of what happened before, least of all you."

"No sir."

"Right then. Well you can liaise with June as to when you'd like to start and I look forward to having you back on the team."

XXXX

Des and Reg were on their way back to the station for afternoon refs having successfully managed to dodge at least two domestic calls. The weather had been too nice to start interfering in marital problems, Des had concluded to himself and Reg hadn't been too hard to persuade. Instead, they had cruised around in the warm afternoon sunshine, Des wondering if he should go and visit Christina again.

He hadn't seen her since his visit to the hospital. He had meant to go more than once, but the experience had left him feeling uncomfortable. Christina herself had been fine, much better than the terrible night when he had finally persuaded her to be admitted. Some of the old sparkle had been back in her eyes and she had put on a bit of weight. But it was the whole atmosphere that had got to him. Other patients shuffling around, people talking in loud voices, others just lying, comatose, on couches in front of the blaring television. He knew that he shouldn't have been unnerved, but he was. So he hadn't gone back. He knew that she had eventually been discharged, but somehow, making the move to visit her at home had seemed too difficult. In the hospital, they could talk about the other patients and what it was like. At home, they would have to talk about other things.

He knew that a certain conversation loomed on the horizon, one he wasn't sure he was ready to have. For all the things that had been said, yes, they would have to deal with. But it was the things that hadn't been said that he feared the most.

As he pulled around the corner, Reg wittering on about something completely nonsensical, he suddenly saw her.

"Well I don't know. I mean you don't, do you? You just have to see what happens and then..." Reg broke off as Des slammed on the brakes, causing him to lurch forward against his seatbelt. "What on earth...?"

"It's Chris!" Des declared, pulling the car up onto the kerb and opening the driver's door. "Chris!" She turned and saw him, her face breaking into a smile causing relief to flood his body. He jogged to catch up with her. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been in seeing Monroe about coming back," she replied, gesturing to the station behind them.

"What, already?"

"You're the third person that's said to me today," she rolled her eyes. "No point in sitting around at home, is there?"

"Yeah, but..." he broke off to think of the right words, "are you sure you're ready?"

"It's just part time to start with," she said, "a few shifts just to see how I settle back in. But the aim is to be back full time as soon as possible."

"That's great," he said as Reg joined them. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, honestly and...I know I've already said it but...I am sorry. For everything."

"You don't have to be sorry, does she Reg?" Des replied.

"No, of course not."

"We're just glad you're doing all right." He paused as Reg moved away to answer a CAD call. "You do look so much better."

"Thanks," she placed her hand on his arm, "and thanks for coming to see me. I really appreciated it."

"No problem." He looked down at where her skin touched his. "I meant to come and see you once you got home but..."

"It's fine," she said, shaking her head, "I know you've been busy."

"I _am _glad you're coming back," he said.

She smiled, "Me too."

XXXX

"Sam said Chris was in here earlier," Tony said, as he and Jim joined Des and Reg at a table. "Said she was in seeing Monroe about coming back."

"Yeah, we saw her outside," Reg said. "She looked all right to me."

"You just don't know, do you?" Tony mused.

"Know what?" Des asked.

"If she's better."

"They wouldn't have let her out if she wasn't better."

"Yeah, but is she fit to come back to work? We all remember what she was like before she left."

"She was ill," Des said, "now she's better. End of."

"I'm surprised at you of all people," Tony said. "She reserved some of her worst treatment for you."

"All the more reason why if I can welcome her back, so can you," Des drained his coffee, growing more irritated by the second. "She's still the same person."

"You've got to admit that Tony's got a point though," Jim said. "If she's not fully back to health, having her out on the streets could be dangerous."

"Listen to the pair of you," Des snapped. "Gossiping like auld women. She's fine and she'll _be_ fine. What she _doesn't _need is you two having a go at her when she _does_ come back!"

"Des?" He turned to see Craig standing at the door of the canteen. "Sergeant Ackland would like a word."

"We're not 'having a go' at her," Jim said, as Des got to his feet. "But we've got to make sure that her coming back is going to work for everybody."

"Whatever you say, Jim," he mocked, "whatever you say."

XXXX

"You wanted to see me, Sarge?"

June looked up from her desk when Des appeared at the door. "Yes Des, sit down." He closed the door behind him and sat opposite her. "Christina was in this afternoon to speak to Mr Monroe."

"I know," he replied, "me and Reg saw her outside."

"Well, she's planning on coming back to work next week," June continued. "A slow start to begin with, but she's keen to get back into the game. I know that a lot of things were said before she went into hospital, so part of the conversation we had was about considering who she might be best paired with on her return."

"I'm sure any of the relief would be fine to work with her," Des said, his thoughts straying back to the conversation in the canteen.

"I'm sure they would," June nodded, "but we have to try and make her as comfortable as possible and when asked, she said that she would feel most comfortable working with you."

Des paused, his heart thumping loudly in his chest. "Me?"

June nodded, "You gave her a lot of support when she was close to the edge and she knows it was only through your persuasion that she agreed to go into hospital in the first place. Plus, she told me you visited her at St Hughes."

Des looked away, embarrassed. "Just felt like I should..."

"I'm not criticising," June interrupted. "Not in the slightest. But, it's because of all of that, that Christina feels she'd be best starting off with you in the area car. What do you think?"

"I'm happy to do whatever she wants," he replied. "Just as long as she's well enough."

"Mr Monroe's waiting to hear from her consultant, but there seems no reason for her not to be well enough. Anyway, I'm glad that you don't have a problem with this."

"Why would I?"

"Well, you're not often known for your...well..."

"I get the picture, Sarge," Des said, getting to his feet. "I'll look after her."

June cocked her head on one side, "Something tells me that you will."


End file.
